It was so long, I mainly skimmed the article but thought a couple points were very thought-provoking. First let me say I am fully aware of my shortcomings. You don't need to point out to me how I might personally fit the mold. As the article states, those with such tendencies "... knew exactly how others viewed them." Also, they are "hypersensitive and insecure" so ...
Here is what I found most interesting as it might relate to younger people or people in general.
Is narcissism the result of indiscriminate parental praise, or of coldness and rejection? Freud believed narcissism resulted from some combination of the two. Recent research by Lorna Otway and Vivian Vignoles suggests that Freud may have been right: The whiplash combination of parental coldness and excessive parental admiration is more strongly related to maladaptive narcissism than is either attitude alone.
Interesting. I chase a rabbit. How does one deliver parental coldness and excessive admiration at the same time? I'm afraid we see this frequently. As the parenting pendulum swung (now on the extreme side of the arc) from distant, disciplined parenting to permissive, loving parenting, parents grappled and grapple with a proper balance. For those with poor role models, this might often be received by the child as insincere acts of praise (a kid can't be awesome all the time and so the words begin to lose meaning) and if unaccompanied by things that really matter (quality time, values, etc), I can see this start to play out. Perhaps it helps explain why we see so much of it. Or, maybe it has always been there. Here's a bit more.
The researchers argue that this "combination of childhood xperiences may help to explain the paradoxical combination of grandiosity and fragility that is so characteristic of adult narcissists."
Not that you need me to paraphrase but for emphasis, the plot thickens. If the cause (coldness and excessive admiration) seems like a weird combo, the result (cocky and sensitive) is also a mixed bag. Seems to line up though, no? Here's a nice follow up ...
The narcissist who receives indiscriminate praise from his or her caregiver as well as signals of coldness and rejection may come to distrust the praise and exist in a perpetual state of insecurity. Back argues that peers also contribute to this dynamic, in that their positive first impressions fade: "Narcissists are popular so they get positive feedback, but are then devalued in the long term," when people learn their true colors.
Ouch! That strikes as harsh. And there doesn't seem to be a self-awareness issue.
The study found that narcissists were even aware that their reputations worsened over time. They just didn't care.
So people who really seem to care what people think don't really care what people think? That doesn't really make sense. Unless you consider that they DO care what people think only they LIKE being thought of in ways you wouldn't normally want people to think. Huh? Let the article explain ...
How can narcissists maintain their inflated self-image even though they know how they are perceived by others? Carlson argues that such people "might think arrogance is a positive trait, like extraversion." Narcissists may also have unique coping mechanisms that allow them to reframe negative reactions. "They know that in certain situations [such as on first meeting] they are better than others and they use this positive information to generally reinterpret other experiences," notes Back. Narcissists may conclude that others are just jealous ..., or just not smart enough to realize how {great} they really are.
If this makes you feel bad, take heart.
Perhaps the greatest paradox of all is that narcissism is neither absolutely good nor bad. Narcissism can be adaptive or maladaptive, appealing or appalling, depending on how charm and cunning are deployed. Anyone can mix and match narcissistic traits —including confidence, self-sufficiency, and assertiveness —with more communal traits such as cooperation and empathy, to be effective in any situation.
5 Signs of a Stealth Narcissist
Flashy clothing and sky-high confidence are the "public" face of narcissism. Here are a few additional cues, some contradictory, in keeping with the narcissist's paradoxical nature.- Bragging about one's perfect family (no one's family is perfect).
- Hypergenerosity in public to demonstrate that one has power, but coldness once the camera is off.
- Hypersensitive and insecure. This includes imagining criticism where it doesn't exist and getting depressed by perceived criticism."Vulnerable" narcissists are self-centered and overly defensive.
- Prone to a vast array of negative emotions including depression, anxiety, self-consciousness, and shame owing to not being given their "due." Such feelings can be an indication of egocentricity and self-absorption.
- Repeatedly puts down other people, especially inferiors and strangers. Loves to talk about him or herself and mentions others mainly to name-drop.
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