Why Do Mean People Go to Church?

OR ... How Can You Go to Med School and Skip All the Science Classes?

So I'm having lunch the other day with an acquaintance who had some very interesting and disheartening stories to tell about his church experience.  In sum, for all of his adult life, he's been very involved in two different churches only to have been behind the scenes long enough to realize there was stuff going on (in both) which he could not be a part of.  He's decided to pare it down a bit, opening up his home for Sunday services and essentially, starting over. 

What really stood out to me was how familiar the story sounded and how it reminded me of some of my experiences years ago.  For me, the question went unanswered back then.  But, I've since learned a thing or two, and I thought today I would tackle this question that's been on my mind since I was a kid:  Why do mean people go to church?

I phrase the question that way because that's how I thought when I was a kid and I noticed that a lot of the men and women who sang, and prayed, and taught Bible study, and basically did all of the 'right' things ... were just not very nice.  Some of them were even kind of scary.  Perhaps the best way to ask the question would be, 'Why are so many church-goers unpleasant, mean, belligerent, unhappy, unforgiving, and judgmental?'  Whew, that sounds harsh, I know.  And I realize the irony behind me making that statement.  But if you'll bear with me awhile, we'll see whether I'm being contradictory or not.

Disclaimer:  If you're looking for ammunition to de-bunk Christianity, you've come to the wrong place.  I'm not here to provide that, I'm on this to get some of you long-time church-goers to wonder if maybe you're part of the problem that has caused many over the past couple decades to leave the church.  So before you start in with the tired, 'the church is full of hypocrites' line, let me stop you right there with point #1 ...

The Church Has Always Been and Will Always Be Full of Hypocrites (aka human beings)

Furthermore, the church is supposed to be a place for the guy who can't get his life together.  Where that guy can come in and seek spiritual guidance and help.  On the one hand, you learn about God and are encouraged to find ways to get closer to God and on the other hand, you are with others who face the same issues you face and are there to provide a support system and encourage you in a more 'horizontal' sense.

It is patently understood that the people in church aren't perfect.  The church is there to welcome all the imperfect people out there.  It is NOT however, a place where you go to feel bad about yourself.  I'm not talking about a type of conviction from God where he reveals something to you that needs to be addressed and corrected.  I'm talking about mean people hurting vulnerable people.  This is a black mark on the church and stands as the very antithesis of what we're supposed to be about.

In my understanding of the gospel and the church, the guy at the TOP of the totem pole - the pastor or the elder - this guy is still a mess but compared to the rest of them, he's mature in his spirituality - he's the guy with the MOST compassion.  The MOST love.  The MOST understanding.  If this sounds familiar, this would be a description of Jesus.  If it seems to us that the most mature believers among us are the most intolerant, I think we've missed something along the way.  And by 'missed something' I mean, 'missed the whole point'.  Kind of like going to med school and skipping all the science classes.

Why Would Such People Even Be Drawn to Church?

I have a theory.  And this really has been, like, 30 years in the making.  I distinctly remember wondering as a kid why some of the people in church were not as nice as say, the people in my neighborhood who didn't go to church.  Even a kid asks, 'shouldn't it be the opposite?'

While the Christian faith is really about the virtues of charity, forgiveness, mercy, justice, love, and grace, there has always been a competing movement stressing rules and regulations.  From the very beginning, there have been those who somehow miss the central messages and 'major on the minors'.  These are people who can't reconcile the concept of unmerited favor.  The gospel is a gift, not something to be earned.  And yet, human nature screams out, 'What do you mean I had nothing to do with it?  What do you mean I didn't earn this?  What do you mean I'm no better than other people?  Of COURSE I'm better than other people!!!' 

Just like the church will never be rid of hypocrites, the church will never be rid of man's desire to take credit for what God has done.  And it isn't very hard to figure out what happens next.  The guy who thinks he and God teamed up in this project has a pretty high opinion of himself.  Especially since his worldview and politics receive a de facto stamp of approval from the others in the church who see things exactly the way he sees them.  It becomes acceptable to be unkind and judgmental, focusing on our very 'favorite' sins and missing the most basic tenet of all:  to love God and others.

In case I haven't fully explained, mean people are drawn to church because of a misplaced emphasis on moral living.  They love the rules and enjoy feeling like they follow the rules better than others.  Ironically, they ignore the most important rule of all.

Why Has This Been Allowed to Continue?

Yep, another theory.  And this one is even easier to figure out.  For, oh I don't know, 1,500 years or so, western civilization has been going to church.  En masse.  On Sunday, you woke up, you put on your best, and you went to church.  Mean people faced little consequence.  The church continued to thrive in various forms and functions.  People may have noticed these issues but it wasn't going to keep you from going to church.  Like anything else, you dealt with it, you fought through it, you pressed on.  That's what you did.  For generations, that's what people did.

There have been many changes over the past 50 years, including the fact that people don't go to church like they used to.  It isn't a part of their lives.  If you were one who would've gone years ago because that's what everyone does, chances are, you aren't going today.  Which brings me to my point.

The mean people have got to stop.  They either have to stop being mean or they have to stop coming to church.  No longer do we have a society which preaches church attendance and Christian living no matter what.  So people aren't going to go to your church and put up with your behavior.  They don't have to and they won't.  And let me be clear.  They won't stop coming to church because of the guy next to them who is struggling with addiction.  They won't stop coming because there are people at the church who are having marital problems.  They won't stop coming to church because the teenagers wear funny clothes and listen to weird music. 

They HAVE STOPPED coming in large part, because of the mean people.  There is no love and no compassion.  No forgiveness to be found here.  No one here who can relate.  They're outta here.  May as well stay home and sleep in or get a tee time for Sunday morning.  There's nothing here, certainly nothing that matches my understanding of something authentic.  Something real.  Something like ... well ... Christianity.

Good News

The good news of the gospel is that there's hope.  There's hope not only for those who are commiting our favorite sins, but there's hope for mean people too!  It's just that, well ... how do I break this to you?  You're actually much worse off than you can even imagine.  In fact, you may need to be smacked around a bit before you can even begin to get better.

Jesus dealt with people in one of two ways.  He delivered either mercy or justice.  And I'm not talking about the kind of justice we ask for when we say, "I demand justice!"  Believe me, you don't want God's justice.  That is not going to work out so well for you.

The people whom Jesus met - society's cast-offs - Jesus gave them mercy.  They were ready to receive mercy, he gave it to them.  Simple as that.  But the people who had it all together - the religious leaders of the day - they were called Pharisees.  They weren't ready to receive mercy.  In fact, they didn't even realize they desperately needed mercy.  Jesus actually had to smack them around a little bit first.  (OK not really)  And even then, most of them didn't get it.  'He couldn't be talking about me.  I always do the right thing.  I am always following the rules and letter of the law.'  Hmmmm.

Here's how I see it.  You've picked and chosen and through a flukey combination of your circumstances, your DNA and your environment, it just so happens that your sins don't offend the church very much.  At least not so they can tell.  Bascially, the church you attend doesn't have a big issue with your issues.  You're not a murderer, you don't steal, and you're not an adulterer.  Life is good.

Oops.

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
(Luke 18:9-14 ESV)

Hey, don't look at me.  I didn't write it.